i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
