$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
