I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
