We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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