Please, let me fuck your mom
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
