my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
