Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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