You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
