I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
