i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't put those talents on a resume
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
