you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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