i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
