I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
