Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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