she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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