I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
