Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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