Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
