that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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