his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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