Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
