yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
