shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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