I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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