I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
