I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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