he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
