So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
