He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
