Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize