My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
