everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
