Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
