I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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