Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
