She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were trust falling into bushes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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