oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I need to calm my uterus...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
