I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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