Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
