i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im having a threesome with these popsicles
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
