omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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