fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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