You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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