lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
