First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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