oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
