Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
we should paint friendship bongs
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