Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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