WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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