I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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