I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
