At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
