you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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