It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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