I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If I die, sorry about rent.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
