how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
