Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
