...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
