i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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