I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
