Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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