Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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