Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
