They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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