did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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