so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
