why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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