He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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