Someone shit on the floor
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
