yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
