I'm pants shitting drunk right now
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Randomize
