he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
