Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
