I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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