You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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