The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Randomize
