I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
