maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
