Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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