Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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