Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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